It’s Wednesday evening and I’m sitting alone in my apartment watching a movie while my two cute little boys sleep. One is on the couch next to me dreaming while the other is dreaming away on the floor of the living room closet. The movie… the Great Gatsby and sadly to say it’s never been one that’s been of a huge interest to me but I wanted to see it so I DVR’d it like 2 weeks ago and finally decided to watch it. Sometimes, like many other people do, I wonder exactly how I got “here”. “Here”, of course, not necessarily a location but instead a place in life.
Currently, for me, I find myself in a not so great place overall. However, the one place that I continue to try to find solace is not just with my cats but also with my emotions… okay it’s mostly with my cats. Seriously though, as someone who was negative for most of my life I’ve learned over time that a lot of the reason why you are where you are is really your own fault. I look at things that I have done and I look at other people and I see them give up, or settle, or fall into vicious patterns and never really take the steps in another direction. So how did you get “here”? You walked there… and then you stopped and you didn’t bother taking look around so what you just noticed you’re looking at is what you’ve always been looking at or at least what you’ve been looking at for some time.
So, I sit here in this place that I am and I wonder how I got here… and I know how… it was me. It was me not trying, it was me being comfortable, it was me just waking up and having a day like any other day. I don’t know where I’m going and I don’t know where I’ll end up, but I’m sure sick and tired of sitting around and wondering how I got “here”.
My name is Rachel. I’m 31. I was born and raised in Baltimore, MD… and I still love Baltimore. I live in Los Angeles and I like certain things about it, but definitely not everything. I love my parents. I love my brother and my nephews no matter the words that were said. I love animals and my two cats are like my children. They are who I can share anything with and they’re there for me waiting when I come home, cuddling with me when I’m sad and waiting for me when I’m gone…. and they are who I miss when I am gone. I don’t know where I’m going but I’m going…. and I might doubt myself along the way but even if I take two steps back, I’ll make sure I’ve taken enough steps forward that I’ll still be in a different place.
This is my blog.