Jobs… Not Steve.

I remember when I first moved out to LA in 2009 I wanted to blog all about my move and how different the east coast and west coast were. Unfortunately, I found that all I was doing was looking for jobs and not really much else because I was running low on money and didn’t know anyone and really couldn’t do much more than trying to find a job. However, finding a job is probably worth writing about – because it sucks! It’s draining both physically and emotionally…. Especially emotionally.
Let’s start back to December. It’s the day before the company Christmas party and a week before Christmas/New Years vacation. I called out sick that day because, well I was sick. Sometimes I think I just didn’t feel right because things didn’t feel right. That day a bunch of people, myself included, were laid off. I remember getting the call and just knowing something bad was happening. When the words were spoken to me it was like a punch in the stomach. I felt like I was going to throw up or pass out or both. No words came out and definitely no crying. I mean I was being laid off over the phone!
I went through the motions. I cried a little and then I was angry. I was angry because I was hurt. It’s really emotionally debilitating to get laid off. It’s personal – they chose you as someone they didn’t need, someone not worth keeping in the situation and that makes you feel worthless. It took me a while to even want to think about a job – it’s so overwhelming to look and then you have to explain why you aren’t working and then you wonder if people will want to hire you when another company didn’t think you were worth keeping!?
I tried to enjoy myself and find other ventures while on unemployment but sadly none of them really panned out. I’d look for jobs and apply to a few that sounded good but I’d never even get a call or a response. At first I was okay with that… But then I realized I really need dependability and structure and my life had become so crazy disorganized I really NEEDED that.
So I applied to more and more jobs. Sometimes I’d get a response asking questions – most of the time I got nothing. Exhaustion point # 1. You spend hours looking through job sites and filling out applications and re-typing what is already on your resume and writing cover peter after cover letter. Applying for jobs is a full time job on it’s own. And yet employers can’t even be bothered to write back. I mean, thanks but you don’t fit our qualifications or thanks but the position has been filled or just a thanks! Just let people know not to waste their time expecting an interview!
Then there are the interviews. What do you wear? What do you say? Don’t be nervous… Don’t say something stupid. Crap what makes me special? Who am I? Where do I see myself in 3-5 years? Not to mention the gas you’re spending driving to all these interviews. And then you ask when you’ll hear from them…. They tell you…. And then YOU NEVER HEAR FROM THEM!
You know what – just send me an email saying you found someone else. It’s so terrible to not hear from them. Or you reach out to them and they can’t even be bothered to respond? Was I that terrible? What did I do wrong? And the more interviews you go on and hear nothing back from just keep weighing on you and weighing on you and you are prepared to apply for some minimum wage retail job just to get a job and it takes 45 minutes to fill out some personality questionaire that you end up feeling like an utterly worthless human being and crying yourself to sleep.
Good night.

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