Go figure that I went to update my site, for the first time in forever, and it seems like it is down. This is pretty much the norm of how things are going these days.
Anyway, it’s Sunday while I’m writing this and I decided I wanted to get back into updating my website starting with Cinema Sunday (Since I just got back into going to the movies last week – Saw Avengers, Age of Ultron – it was amazing, of course). So I debated this week between Mad Max Fury Road and Pitch Perfect 2. I went to the Pitch Perfect prescreening way back when and I missed out on the Mad Max Fury Road prescreening (because there were a ton of people there hours before the screening!) so I easily could have gone to either. I ended up choosing Pitch Perfect because, why not. I figured it would be light hearted and fun and make me laugh a little. It was and it did, but it opened up a whole can of crazy worms in my brain!
The Bellas started out with a crazy bang, just like they did in the beginning of the first movie, and spent most of the movie coming together again and trying to rebuild the bellas. They sang a bunch and had some cute lovey moments and it was sweet and adorable and made me laugh a bit. But there was something deeper there, or at least I took it as being deeper. Anna Kendricks character, Becca, was trying to figure out what she was going to do after college – when she got out into the real world. The real world. Ahhh… my world.
It got me thinking about me and how I didn’t go to college, which I don’t regret because regrets are worthless. I probably missed out on a bit here and there with that. But whatever, I followed bands around and had a ton of fun. The problem is where am I now and what am I doing now? Working jobs just to make money. Having ideas I never put into fruition. Waiting for someone to see me and give me a chance, when I don’t know what that chance is… or if I even believe in myself.
That’s what it all boiled down to in the end. I was like crud. I don’t even believe in myself. I have these ideas all the time but they rarely come to fruition because I just figure it won’t do any good. I wanted to move to California to get away from everything I knew and explore. Started Blogging again thinking, geez, maybe I’ll have some cool things to say about a new adventure. But I got lost into a world of finding a job and then living vicariously through other people … then kind of being depressed when everything I had was taken out from under me… to now just kind of … surviving. Do I have anything interesting to say? Of Course, but what I question is… will anyone want to read it and/or care? I don’t know. I don’t know what I want to say will come out. I don’t know what I want to theme this or write about… I don’t know. I’m filled with I don’t know.
I’ll figure it out someday I guess.